Update c:

So, today was a pretty short day. All in all, I stood up for myself today and lets just say me, my brother, and my cousin had a fight and we're only suspended until Monday because the adults over the school were already informed various amounts of times about the situation. The reason I got suspended is because I was walking down the hall to my next class and one of the girls pushed me. And my mom as always taught me to never let anyone put there hands on you. So, all of a sudden I felt my face getting hot and I exploded! In front of everyone. But what made me get to my limit was; she was smiling! So only thing I remember is saying "Oh, you laughing bitch??" and then I blacked out. After that people were just talking and saying "I didn't know that girl could fight like that, she so shy and quiet." I'm not one of those people who brags about fighting but sometimes you have to or people will run over you. My problem was, I had reached my breaking point and I bet you they won't mess with me anymore. 

The situation with my brother was that there was this guy who slapped my brother about a week ago ( Check earlier blog for more info on that) anywho.. my brother still was stressed out about it and he literally had a fight a couple of minutes before me. My brother had a fight first and then when I was going to my next class the situation with the girl happened. Luckily, my mom was already there when all that happened. So they didn't even have to call her. All the people in the office were looking at us like "Is this a coincidence or what" and honestly it totally was.

After that, we went home and I guess my cousin heard about what happened and I told him earlier that day to get one of the girls who was messing with me. BUT the girl who he fought was humongous, like oh my gosh I knew if he couldn't win then I sure as hell couldn't. Turns out, the girl couldn't even fight as good as I expected her too. I saw the video and I was like wow, really? So tomorrow we will have a break out of school and we can just relax. Honestly, I actually wanna go back to school because I find my confidence way higher after everything that just went down. :)

End of the Year Testing

So, my school is starting our end of the quarter/year testing. Today we took the reading test and it was pretty easy but I know that I will probably fail the math test. Because...well.. I suck at math. I had a pretty descent day and ignored all the mean words the girls who always mess with me say. Even though they've never approached me with it. >.< I'm learning to focus more on school and my average than drama. Therefore, life has been good so far. But today has been a long day and hopefully this week end, I can relax on the beach but right now my bed looks like the most comfortable place to be. Goodnight lovelies.. even though it is only 7:38 at night. ♥

Ughh..

Okay, the dude who hit my brother wasn't even at school today because he is suspended until Monday. But I already put it on my mom and my life that I am going to slap him so no turning back now. A couple of people think that I'm bluffing but I am so serious. I guess I just have to wait. Anyway, after the bell rung for us to change classes one of the girls who were messing with me purposely got in my way as I was going down the hall but I just shoved her really hard out of my way and she said " Bitch, excuse you" and I stopped in my tracks and said "Bitch, excuse YOU!!" so then she went to my brothers class and started talking about me with the rest of her friends of course. But honestly I think she is scared because you can talk all that crap but you want do anything about it.

To Be Continued..

So yesterday I had a feeling that something bad was going to happened and that feeling I had was real. When my brother was in gym class this dude started talking about me and saying things like "I wanna have sex with your sister" and just repeatedly talking mess to my brother. So eventually everyone crowded around because they were arguing. Then, what makes it worst is that one of my guy friends came up and asked "hey, whats going on" and the guy who was arguing with my brother said " I was just telling him how Imma f** his sister" and then my guy friend.. let's say his name is Mike. Mike said "Oh, you talking about Aniya with the big booty?" So the other guy was like "Yap, that's his sister.." and Mike said "Ohh, well she's sexy and I got her number so I can call her whenever I want and if I could hit that I would mm..mmm..mm" And it just got worse and worse. All of sudden a bunch of other guys just started making fun of him. And one guy who I already don't like punched him!!! But what they don't know is.. my brother has autism! So he rarely even takes up for himself. I'm just so angry that I wasn't there to prevent it. I hate seeing my brother cry and starting tomorrow I'm going to show the guy who hit my brother that he messed with the wrong person. And NOTHING is going to stop me. Because you can mess with me but DO NOT mess with him. Only thing I got to say is that he better be ready.. -_-

Update ♥

So I started school again on Monday and I'm still getting "bullied" by these same girls. I am literally getting sick and tired of this. I'm getting pushed to my limit and I am about to explode. Why me? I've never done anything to anyone ever since I started school in January. I used to love school and wouldn't miss a day but now it's like every time I go I'm afraid of being jumped or something terrible happening to me. I tried everything but nothing is working, I don't wanna fight but but it seems as if I'm going to have to, especially since it's the end of the year.. I don't know what else to do. My confidence is getting lower and lower every day that goes by and it's not fun. Every time I talk to someone they always say " but your so beautiful and almost every guy at school likes you" and they seem to not understand that all that doesn't matter to me. I come to school for an education; not to get regret everyday I have to get up and deal with bull shxt, excuse my french but it is the truth. And I hate how people continue to mess with someone and they have no idea what that person is going through or what's on their mind. After I came home from school I found out that my grandmother has cancer! Do you know what it feels like to lose the closest person to you? And only have 1 person left that you can trust and actually depend on to help you in your time of need and then you find out that they have something as serious as that. It hurts! And they just add more and more to what I already have going on. I try to ignore it but I can't.. I still have thoughts.. I even think about would it feel better if I wasn't even here. And everyday my thoughts get persuaded more and more. Ugh!!

Daily Blog

Today has been a pretty good day. My step dad started his first day at his new job and I have just been keeping to myself. My ex boyfriend Jamie told me he's still "in love" with me but truthfully I'm just not ready to be in a relationship with ANYONE. I have my own problems to worry about to be worrying about his. I mean he just doesn't understand the fact that I am not stable enough for all that right now. I actually want to be something in life and according to him he has no plans at all for his future. Jamie buys me things but usually I don't even want to accept it because money can't buy my love and hopefully he understands that. Honestly, I don't no what else to do with my life at this point but what I am trying to do is become stronger in faith and my relationship with my Lord and Savior. I can feel that it's time for me to change my life around for the better. I know it won't be easy but I will try my hardest. I mean I'm making progress. I have been praying and I haven't cut myself in about a week and a half. I hope I can continue to do this. But as far as I know.. school starts tomorrow and I know that it will test my new outlook on life for sure.. 

The Beginning

So I guess my story kinda begins like this I was born September 7th. I guess I was a pretty descent kid as far as I know. Hmm.. I never used to speak my mind and I just used to hold things in. Yeah, I have gone through things the average kid/teen doesn't. From guns to drugs to gangs. I've experienced it all and I want to tell you guys My Story. And between me and you, you'll be the first to hear it. Basically, I'm depressed, suffer from anxiety, and a self harmer.. if that's a word. I know that it's nothing to brag about but I'm trying to better myself as time goes on. It seems as if every time I take a step forward I get push 2 steps back. Corny right? But so true. Hopefully this blog will give me the opportunity to share my story with the world and express myself in ways that I would never in any other place. It'll be different.. Although I'm always up for a challenge.