Grandma's House ♥

For the past 4 days I have been staying with my grnadmother. I've always loved being over there but at the same time I didn't because she had NO internet whatsoever and that was a bummer! :( So finally she has wifi and of course me and my cousin have latops, tablets, phones, what ever you can name! So I really enjoyed it this time. ALSO my phone is back on so I got to talk to alot of you guys and honestly I enjoyed that as well. :) I actually stayed out of trouble and I was actually happy for a extended period ofm time unlike any other time. And surprisingly I haven't been on twitter in 2 whole days!!! But it would mean so much to me if you'll would follow me @badbxtchtweets! Love you guys.. ♥

Update

Hello all ♥ I know that I haven't been blogging a ton lately but I've been crazy busy. My great grandmother is in the hospital and my grandmother has cancer. So I've been with her lately and making sure she's fine and I really just haven't had the time to blog. BUT so far life has been a true blessing. I have just been looking at things in a more positive matter now like I mentioned in my earlier entries. I have been dealing with my insecurities so much better and honestly guys, I appreciate every compliment I get. It means so much to me and words can't even explain the pleasure I get just by somebody complimenting something so small about me. Anywho, I really haven't been doing anything "interesting" so I just dropped by to just let you'll know whats up. ♥
Until next time..

♥ Love At First Sight ♥

In the last blog I told you guys about all the products I received on the behalf of Influenster and I said that I would be doing a review on all of the merchandise. So, I just tried the NYC New York Color Applecious Glossy Lip Balm and let me tell you, I LOVE IT!! This by far the best lip balm I have tried so far and I will be repurchasing afterwards. It smells fantastic, moisturizes your lips, AND it adds the perfect red shade to your lips. In the lip balm it includes things such as Shea Butter, Jojoba Oil, Vitamin E, and Avocado Oil to give your lips a healthy, irresistible look. It truly does just that! Throughout this summer I will be rocking my new lip color and so can you for only the price of $2.99. Which it is a product well worth it.

Influenster Vox Box

So, this morning I woke up to my very first Influenster Vox Box! I was extremely excited and literally screamed and ran inside the house!. After I opened the box, I saw many different products like:

1. Secret Outlast Clear Gel Deodorant
2. NYC New York Color Applelicious Glossy Lip Balm
3. Broadway Nails imPRESS Press-on Manicure
4. OSIS Gelastic

All these products were free on the behalf of Influenster. Influenster is a site where you have to be invited and you have to be a active member. If you would like an invite just comment your email address in the comments and I will be sure to send you one.

For The Next Few Days: I will be doing totally HONEST reviews on all of the products ♥

Definition of the Site:
An exclusive online community where tastemakers and trendsetters (such as yourself) come to share the latest and greatest news, places, products, and reviews with each other. 2. The hotspot you just bookmarked on your web browser that turns your social influence into sweet rewards.

Basically, Influenster is a place for culture junkies to come together and share their unique opinions of products and experiences. Active members of Influenster get exclusive access to deals, promotions, and swag from brands that thrive off the input (the good, the bad, and the ugly -- they just want to know what's up).

OMG :O

Yesterday, I blogged early saying that I had a good day but later that night everything fell apart and it was just horrible. So I was completing my math study guide when I got stuck on a problem. Something was telling me not to go ask my mom for help because something bad was going to happen. But I ignored whatever it was and went to ask my mom. The way my mom was teaching me how to do it, I didn't understand because it was a totally different way that she worked the problem. I told her that and she got mad because I was looking up to the sky because I already told her 10 times that I didn't get what she was doing. Any who, she winded up getting angry and was about to attack me but I ran.. She had a clothes hanger and she threw that at me but missed. So then, I just went into my room just thinking aloud. After that.. she came in with a knife and I just got really scared and I panicked. I felt as if my life was over. A while back, I actually had a dream that my mom came into my room during my sleep and started stabbing me.. It's a scary feeling. But I told my mom that I wanted to leave so she made me get out the house with no shoes or anything. I only had a tank top and shorts. She told me "You think that you can handle the real world? Then get you ass out there and do it! I wish you the best of luck!" and so I got out and she was about to call the police but instead she talked to family members. So she told me to go back in the house and she was going to beat me the next day and I just want go to school. I then went to my room and she started talking about how she knows she hasn't been the perfect mom or anything.. About how she wanted to have a bond with me since I was born.. how she wanted me to be able to tell her anything. Anyway, skip all the extra stuff. Tomorrow is today and I went to school and nothing has happened yet. But I just lost way more respect, love, and trust for her. This is the second time and she also threatened me that she will get a gun and kill me before I kill her. She told me she would rather me stick a knife in her than say I hate her.. which I did about a week or 2 ago. I don't know if I blogged about it or not. Most girls can call their mom their best friend but I can't.. :'( 

School Ending

Now, we only have 4 days of school left and it will be officially summer time! :) Thank goodness! Today was a really good day! I think the group of girls were talking when I walked by but I kept my head up and they were looking like "where is all this confidence coming from??" I was really happy but I did feel bad for one of my friends though. Something tragic happened but luckily I managed to make her laugh and not only did that make her feel better but it made me happier. I look forward to life now that I can truly say that I am here for a reason! I have no idea where all this is coming from but I'm sure am way more happier. I truly believe that the Lord, my savior, is helping me through this. I started back praying how I'm supposed to and since then life has opened up. I'm just glad that I was able to wake up this morning.. ♥

I'm Back ♥

Hey guys! I'm back and I'm really sorry for not blogging in a while. So far life has really good since the last time I blogged. I've been busy studying for finals and having tons of homework and trying to pull up my grades so I will be able to go to a better school next year. No one has been messing with me and well school was rediculously (if that's a word) fun today. In one of my classes we actually had a substitute and we had sooooooooooo much fun in there. Today has been the day where I can actually say I enjoyed every minute of it. A lot of people didn't come to school today because yesterday everyone had their graduation. Honestly, I can't believe there is only 5 more days of school left before summer time.. :(  lol. Let me stop joking. I can't wait until school's out!!! ♥

Update c:

So, today was a pretty short day. All in all, I stood up for myself today and lets just say me, my brother, and my cousin had a fight and we're only suspended until Monday because the adults over the school were already informed various amounts of times about the situation. The reason I got suspended is because I was walking down the hall to my next class and one of the girls pushed me. And my mom as always taught me to never let anyone put there hands on you. So, all of a sudden I felt my face getting hot and I exploded! In front of everyone. But what made me get to my limit was; she was smiling! So only thing I remember is saying "Oh, you laughing bitch??" and then I blacked out. After that people were just talking and saying "I didn't know that girl could fight like that, she so shy and quiet." I'm not one of those people who brags about fighting but sometimes you have to or people will run over you. My problem was, I had reached my breaking point and I bet you they won't mess with me anymore. 

The situation with my brother was that there was this guy who slapped my brother about a week ago ( Check earlier blog for more info on that) anywho.. my brother still was stressed out about it and he literally had a fight a couple of minutes before me. My brother had a fight first and then when I was going to my next class the situation with the girl happened. Luckily, my mom was already there when all that happened. So they didn't even have to call her. All the people in the office were looking at us like "Is this a coincidence or what" and honestly it totally was.

After that, we went home and I guess my cousin heard about what happened and I told him earlier that day to get one of the girls who was messing with me. BUT the girl who he fought was humongous, like oh my gosh I knew if he couldn't win then I sure as hell couldn't. Turns out, the girl couldn't even fight as good as I expected her too. I saw the video and I was like wow, really? So tomorrow we will have a break out of school and we can just relax. Honestly, I actually wanna go back to school because I find my confidence way higher after everything that just went down. :)

End of the Year Testing

So, my school is starting our end of the quarter/year testing. Today we took the reading test and it was pretty easy but I know that I will probably fail the math test. Because...well.. I suck at math. I had a pretty descent day and ignored all the mean words the girls who always mess with me say. Even though they've never approached me with it. >.< I'm learning to focus more on school and my average than drama. Therefore, life has been good so far. But today has been a long day and hopefully this week end, I can relax on the beach but right now my bed looks like the most comfortable place to be. Goodnight lovelies.. even though it is only 7:38 at night. ♥

Ughh..

Okay, the dude who hit my brother wasn't even at school today because he is suspended until Monday. But I already put it on my mom and my life that I am going to slap him so no turning back now. A couple of people think that I'm bluffing but I am so serious. I guess I just have to wait. Anyway, after the bell rung for us to change classes one of the girls who were messing with me purposely got in my way as I was going down the hall but I just shoved her really hard out of my way and she said " Bitch, excuse you" and I stopped in my tracks and said "Bitch, excuse YOU!!" so then she went to my brothers class and started talking about me with the rest of her friends of course. But honestly I think she is scared because you can talk all that crap but you want do anything about it.

To Be Continued..

So yesterday I had a feeling that something bad was going to happened and that feeling I had was real. When my brother was in gym class this dude started talking about me and saying things like "I wanna have sex with your sister" and just repeatedly talking mess to my brother. So eventually everyone crowded around because they were arguing. Then, what makes it worst is that one of my guy friends came up and asked "hey, whats going on" and the guy who was arguing with my brother said " I was just telling him how Imma f** his sister" and then my guy friend.. let's say his name is Mike. Mike said "Oh, you talking about Aniya with the big booty?" So the other guy was like "Yap, that's his sister.." and Mike said "Ohh, well she's sexy and I got her number so I can call her whenever I want and if I could hit that I would mm..mmm..mm" And it just got worse and worse. All of sudden a bunch of other guys just started making fun of him. And one guy who I already don't like punched him!!! But what they don't know is.. my brother has autism! So he rarely even takes up for himself. I'm just so angry that I wasn't there to prevent it. I hate seeing my brother cry and starting tomorrow I'm going to show the guy who hit my brother that he messed with the wrong person. And NOTHING is going to stop me. Because you can mess with me but DO NOT mess with him. Only thing I got to say is that he better be ready.. -_-

Update ♥

So I started school again on Monday and I'm still getting "bullied" by these same girls. I am literally getting sick and tired of this. I'm getting pushed to my limit and I am about to explode. Why me? I've never done anything to anyone ever since I started school in January. I used to love school and wouldn't miss a day but now it's like every time I go I'm afraid of being jumped or something terrible happening to me. I tried everything but nothing is working, I don't wanna fight but but it seems as if I'm going to have to, especially since it's the end of the year.. I don't know what else to do. My confidence is getting lower and lower every day that goes by and it's not fun. Every time I talk to someone they always say " but your so beautiful and almost every guy at school likes you" and they seem to not understand that all that doesn't matter to me. I come to school for an education; not to get regret everyday I have to get up and deal with bull shxt, excuse my french but it is the truth. And I hate how people continue to mess with someone and they have no idea what that person is going through or what's on their mind. After I came home from school I found out that my grandmother has cancer! Do you know what it feels like to lose the closest person to you? And only have 1 person left that you can trust and actually depend on to help you in your time of need and then you find out that they have something as serious as that. It hurts! And they just add more and more to what I already have going on. I try to ignore it but I can't.. I still have thoughts.. I even think about would it feel better if I wasn't even here. And everyday my thoughts get persuaded more and more. Ugh!!

Daily Blog

Today has been a pretty good day. My step dad started his first day at his new job and I have just been keeping to myself. My ex boyfriend Jamie told me he's still "in love" with me but truthfully I'm just not ready to be in a relationship with ANYONE. I have my own problems to worry about to be worrying about his. I mean he just doesn't understand the fact that I am not stable enough for all that right now. I actually want to be something in life and according to him he has no plans at all for his future. Jamie buys me things but usually I don't even want to accept it because money can't buy my love and hopefully he understands that. Honestly, I don't no what else to do with my life at this point but what I am trying to do is become stronger in faith and my relationship with my Lord and Savior. I can feel that it's time for me to change my life around for the better. I know it won't be easy but I will try my hardest. I mean I'm making progress. I have been praying and I haven't cut myself in about a week and a half. I hope I can continue to do this. But as far as I know.. school starts tomorrow and I know that it will test my new outlook on life for sure.. 

The Beginning

So I guess my story kinda begins like this I was born September 7th. I guess I was a pretty descent kid as far as I know. Hmm.. I never used to speak my mind and I just used to hold things in. Yeah, I have gone through things the average kid/teen doesn't. From guns to drugs to gangs. I've experienced it all and I want to tell you guys My Story. And between me and you, you'll be the first to hear it. Basically, I'm depressed, suffer from anxiety, and a self harmer.. if that's a word. I know that it's nothing to brag about but I'm trying to better myself as time goes on. It seems as if every time I take a step forward I get push 2 steps back. Corny right? But so true. Hopefully this blog will give me the opportunity to share my story with the world and express myself in ways that I would never in any other place. It'll be different.. Although I'm always up for a challenge.